Recently got a wedding, honeymoon passed, where you and my husband were in love and happy. And after some time, wipes began, misunderstanding each other, and you are ready to break the relationship. Do not rush to take a radical decision. In the heat of emotions, you can destroy what is expensive. Inhale, exhale, bring thoughts in order and weigh everything for and against.
Is it worth saving marriage?
We will not consider the extreme situations when in marriage there is a threat to your life or health. The need for security is basic, and to live in such respects is fully impossible. If the reasons are the other – there is no understanding in the issues of the life of the life, raising children, there are not enough financial, ideological knowledge and so on, then you may need to save a family on the verge of a divorce.
Tips that you hear from anyone may turn out to be valuable, but the decision in any case is yours, because only your inner feeling will help find the right answer.
- To begin with, you need to decide, from whom the spouses proceeds by the initiative. If from you, then the opportunity to thoroughly think about and correct the situation in your hands. If you disappear offered a spouse, you need to know the reason. When the reason is understandable and it is categorical, then the opposition will only strengthen your mutual dislike. It happens that the reason to find out does not manage to do not immediately – haul to tear the relationship and clarify the situation slowly.
- Imagine your life without a spouse. How do you survive parting? If you feel that you can not without him, that you will be only worse from the rupture, then you should think about whether you need this parting.
- Listen to yourself: what feelings in you and your partner are still preserved? Will they save your relationship? If you both feel that they combine you, it is important to prevent parting.
- Think about what common interests you still associate, for example, living space, a common business. This question occurs almost all couples. Saving marriage only for this, you will experience one irritation, which in the end can also lead to parting.
- Often the question arises, and whether it is worth preserving a family for children. For parents, children are the meaning of life. For children, the family is dad and mom together, and the divorce for them – the phenomenon is incomprehensible, meaningless and wounding. Despite this, applying all the forces to preserve marriage, remember that in the atmosphere of swearing or mutual hostility of spouses, children may not be better. Also a child’s negative behavior of parents can take a sample and bring it in the future in his family.
How to establish relations?
It is harder to build than to destroy, and restore spoiled relationships – difficult work. But if you have something to save, then this work is worth the effort, and you can dissuade your satellite from the divorce. The main thing to do is to establish contact and conduct a dialogue. This is the ability to whom you can learn how to restore any, not only family relationships.
Often conflicts arise precisely because the spouses do not hear each other and do not know how to convey their position.
Suppose the husband is dissatisfied with the cooking wife, and it is spinning in the morning to the evening as the head: from the evening you will cook to eat, including the next day, in the morning of children in the kindergarten, the school will take place, to work itself, and after work, taking children, comes tired and re-accepted cooking and feed everyone. But in conversation, the spouses it turns out that her husband is more important that she will prepare a hot breakfast and have breakfast with him, and not to meet him with dinner at all, since he himself can warm me. As a result, the husband got the desired, and the wife is pleased that the evening there was time to relax and chat with family.
Talk to your satellite for souls. To do this, calm down and choose the right moment. Because if you communicate on emotions or in a hurry, it is unlikely to understand each other, and you can talk to a partner of trouble and to get angry. Needless to persuade him, but clarify the reasons for the conflict and how to solve it.
For productive contact, you must still be able to listen and hear the interlocutor. Give him the opportunity to speak, explain my point of view. Best patience, do not interrupt.
For deterioration of relations often, both. When the partner sees that he is listening and understanding or trying to understand, he willingly listen to your point of view. Then convince him not to divorce it is easier.
In a calm and benevolent tone, explain your position. Try to convey what you do not like without complaints and insults. A smooth background of the conversation better will help to figure out the situation than having hurt words.
Should not be allowed to solve an important issue of third parties.
Even the closest people will project their beliefs on your situation, and you can make a decision not in harmony with your views.
When painful questions are discussed and adopted important decisions, agree on their implementation (you can even fix them in writing in the form of a contract or a joint action plan). So you both will know which part of your relationship each of you is responsible, and this agreement will be a guarantee of your calm in this particular area. Returning for example with cooking: the wife, now knowing the needs of the husband and considering her (perhaps she “larks” and it is easier for her to cook everything in the morning, and in the evening it is better to rest), promises to cook in the morning, and in the evening. And the spouse is obliged to buy foods on the way from work instead of her so that his faithful really has free time for evening holidays.
If they got feeling
Almost all families take place when the first strong feelings are cooled to each other and the spouses begin to notice not only advantages, but also disadvantages. You both need to know that this process is almost inevitable (unless you approached marriage with a cold head or calculation) and be prepared for such a turn of events. Fine, if you trust each other so much that you can safely discuss these situations, it will help you to keep your spouse. If not, then you need to learn sincere communication and trust.
But this is still happening, and your husband, yesterday I hurried from work with a cake for my beloved, today comes, plunges in a chair with a TV and not even smack you in a cheek. Or a wife who has faithful to you in the morning and blowing the dust from your suit now engaged only by yourself and children.
We already know that in any family difficulties, it is important not to lose contact with the spouse, do not go into yourself. Remember why you created a family, what did you dream about how to spend time.
Surely in your dreams you were together. To be together, help, support each other – this is the meaning of the family.
Return in your discussion or mentally (if it is so easier for you) by the time it was still romantic. What has changed since you, in your life? Often changes in relationship occur with the birth of children. A woman during this period is almost completely given to the maternal feeling. When the husband also penetrates his father’s feelings, then they both are immersed in joyful concerns about the child. And when a man internally has not yet donated to paternity, then a decrease in care for herself will be perceived painfully and can even jerk his wife to the baby.
The task of spouses in this case be ready to each other.
Even if they are very tired, get a little attention to my husband (wife). And attention it does not need to consist precisely in physical care.
Give each other some warmth participation, care about the mental state of the satellite: “How mood?”, “What’s new?”.
It happens that when feelings are hardened, it turns out that partners do not have common interests. Then it is worth thinking, and what interests do you live and if you have.
If it turned out so that you were united by passion, and not something deeper, then start looking for it deeper. Visit creative exhibitions, museums, movies, performances, start learning developing literature, see interesting videos. Deliberately make your joint leisure productive. And maybe not only leisure – what if your interests are growing into a passion and in the main activity?
The main thing, in the period of reducing the intensity of your senses to understand each other and show attention to the needs of the partner. It is possible that your well-groomed appearance is important for him, and maybe he needs to be useful, to be able to be alone or simply in gratitude and recognition.
Betrayal of a loved one and the pain of treason is difficult to forgive and forget. Emotions cut off, and I want to throw them out, but the thought still works and you understand – the husband did not go to another, it means that you are the family for him.
Take a pause, transfer your breath. Now you can reflect and think about how to live on.
If your man stayed in the family, most likely, indeed, “there” he had no serious. Then answer yourself honestly to the question: are you ready to forgive him and live with it next?
If the answer is affirmative, we will discuss further actions.
- Talk to him, let it be explained.
- Most often, a woman wants to quarrel: “He was playing, and I will still be sisy to him!”. Exit emotions, of course, needed, but it is important not to overdo.
- The scenes with the analysis of flights should not be repeated – they get tired and go. Just once squeeze your feelings. And in the future just calmly discuss the situation.
- Look for infidelity in your relationship together. They may be your jealousy or dismissive attitude to the spouse, routine, lack of confidence in relationships.
- Consider his reasonable arguments and, if this is your mistake, try not to repeat it.
- Mark your position, and, making sure to understand, enlist the agreement to change what is not satisfied with your relationship.
- This conversation should concern only two of you, if you do not want those surrounding in the future involuntarily hurt you with your peres.
- Remember that the basis of trusting relationships is only a kind will, to force someone how you want, it is impossible. Therefore, patience is your main tool in the restoration of the family hearth.
How to support the world in the family?
The construction of a family hearth is a process, and, as already mentioned, the matter is not easy. But since you thought about its preservation, it means that they are ready to engage in this process and become the creator of their fate.
Below are the advice of a psychologist, how to keep the panel in the family.
- When trouble happens, try not to go out for a long time, but discuss the problem with my spouse. It is sometimes necessary to stay alone, but the protracted immersion will not add understanding. Mentally decomposing the situation on the shelves, share your thoughts and feelings with faithful. The moments of the innermost conversations will add confidence in your family and will help protect from the disadvantage.
- Mark your shortcomings and eradicate them. For example, it may be unhealthy jealousy, pride or, on the contrary, uncertainty. We all are in one way or another are subject to such feelings, and in marriage they become more noticeable. Rehend to this as the opportunity to know yourself and change for the better.
- Take care of yourself about your appearance. Healthy attention to your appearance and well-kept species, including at home will help to avoid the temptation of your spouse to compare you with other, more well-keeled women. If you are interested in yourself, you will be interesting and partner.
- Look for yourself in a diverse world of hobbies and interests. It can be both cooking, needlework and home design and study of scientific materials in a variety of areas, including in the field of psychology. Huge opportunities for development now provides the Internet, with the condition for its use for its intended purpose.
- Prevent disagreement will help the search for points of contact for general purposes, values, interests, hobbies. They can be: raising children, travel, creating a common cause, building a house, social activity and t. D.
- Do not forget that one of the goals of any family is care for each other. And, putting such values as earning money or achieving only material purposes, you can lose myself the meaning of the family. The phrase “Family Forest” implies the possibility of family members to stop at least for a while and stay together: someone for a common matter, someone for conversations or from children, to talk, share their concerns or just sit in silence, hugging.
- Taking care of your family, you need to remember about yourself, about your desires, needs. It is necessary for you to feel a solid person, and not a mixture of children and husband. Also it is necessary for your family. A wife and mother who knows what he wants, and he also loves and cares about himself – a calm and joyful mother, such a mother can give warm and love and you want to be near.
Save the family on the verge of divorce, you can. To do this, you first need to make sure that you need to save and hardness to solve. After that, you can establish relationships with the help of dialogue and skill listen. Having discussed the situation, do not forget to agree on new rules in your family so that the changes come into force. And now, set to a tireless work on yourself and your relationship, and in your family will definitely reign peace and understanding.
How to keep a happy family, look in the following video.