Is it possible to forgive treason and how to do it?

Is it possible to forgive treason and how to do it?

Treason of your beloved person – always a big personal drama, to cope with which it happens quite difficult. Nobody insured from such a situation: any woman and any man may well get into the discharge of deceived spouses. According to existing statistics, in Russia, at least once changed its partner to 75% of men and 25% of women. Very often families break down precisely for this reason. If you think, do not chop out a gossip, then in most cases a divorce and parting can be prevented. But for this it will be necessary to make the most difficult – forgive. How to do this will be discussed in this article.

When you need to forgive?

Treason treason Runet. The circumstances and situations in which an adulter can occur, the motives of changing, his behavior before and after the unpleasant truth opens, the type of relationship in this family – all this and much more in the end and will determine the opportunity to forgive the wrong partner. After all, you can forgive treason, and many have successfully managed to cope with it. There are also a lot of those who did not work out, and those who decided not even try.

Forgiveness – Large internal work, painstaking and phased work, a sign of psychological maturity and “adults” of man. The harder forgive betrayal at a young age – girls who have changed guys, guys who changed girls, because of young age more categorical, and therefore, often the relationship is painfully burst, leaving injury in the soul of the one who betrayed. Middle-aged people are easier to forgive due to accumulated life experience, but it is impossible to say that they are less suffering. At any age at all times of betray – it hurts.

First of all, the one who changed must calm down, try to take a timeout and think well why it happened, what his faults happened and understand whether he wants (she) continue to remain with this person.

And the man who changed his wife and a woman who learned about the wrongness of her husband is equally hard to experience this stage. But it is necessary because it is she – the key in the formation of a decision on readiness for reconciliation.

Answer the question, forgive or not, should only man himself. The advisers in this case are not needed and harmful. The advisers will rely solely on their life experience, on their ideas, on generally accepted norms that far from always meet the ideas about the happiness of a certain person who has now got into trouble. Imagine the situation that a man addresses to friends with a question, to forgive him a grant to him. With a huge share of the likelihood, they will answer what cannot be done, because after that a deceived husband will look like a weak podkin.

Does it want to hear a man who actually tied to his wife and really wants the relationship to preserve? A woman who asks advice from a mother or girlfriend, also risks to get a template answer that “all the men are” and you need to throw it and live on. And if she truly loves a partner and believes to establish relationships? Thus, if you need to consult, then only with yourself. Listen to your heart, your mind, your intuition and boldly act.

In addition to the inner readiness to forgive, you need to take into account the opinion of the partner itself. If the classroom after the truth has revealed about his goal “left”, and did not think apologize if he is not looking for a dialogue, it is not trying to explain, then most likely, Do not pull the repentance of cancer. Perhaps a changed partner in general, wants to finish these relationships.

In any case, the conversation cannot be avoided. But start it only when you are completely confident that the dialogue will not be your angry monologue and accusatory speech. The task is to listen to the partner, express his opinion to him and decide together what to do next.

Usually a favorable moment for such a conversation occurs some time after the discovery of the fact of ADULTER. Both need to calm down and decide what to do next.

Forgiveness is permissible in all cases, if it is allowed by a person for himself. It does not play the roles, how much time an adulter lasted, with whom a partner changed, what methods he used to conspire how the facts revealed and whether he was repeated. It is not necessary to forgive for him, but for yourself, because it is much easier to live if you do not hold offense and evil, not to mention that the resentment is a strong destructive feeling that is capable of causing dangerous and difficult-to-deeper diseases in a short time. For example, cancer psychosomatics professionals are often called “offended people’s disease”. Think about it at leisure.

Forgiveness does not always mean returning to the family. Even if you decide to finish the relationship with the changed spouse and live on without him (her), try to sincerely, for the soul to forgive the former partner, feel free to tell him about it when it turns out.

If there is a desire to keep the family, without forgiveness, it will be impossible in general.

Life next to the offender will turn into hell for all family members, and the marriage will still end with a crash. Very often deceived spouses want to get from a psychologist or psychotherapist “Ready Recipe”, how to forgive. There is no such recipe. No list of ingredients that need to be added in a certain amount to work out what you want. There are only general recommendations. Forgiveness is always easier:

  • If the class or co-folder is repeated, they ask for forgiveness, it is clearly argued by the reason for the ADULTER and promise no longer repeat the like+
  • If the senses to the partner, who went to the side, were preserved, did not dry and long before Adumer+
  • If there is something in common and important for both – children, general hobbies, work, general human obligations and responsibility (for example, for the care of the elderly relative).

How to survive?

Survive a difficult time and cope with the situation, take the right decision in it, will help a simple understanding that an even account no one in this world is obliged to meet your expectations. It is clear that it hurts, offensively, in the soul everything boils and boilitis, emotional swings throws out of longing to anger, from the desire to take revenge in pity, offended. To align their emotional background in the earliest stages, psychologists often advise himself to make a treason of a partner in the form of a vacation. I got it only once – then when I learned about treason. All other strikes it, you apply to yourself, continue to warm your sufferings and pain, sorry yourself.

Forgive and live further (with this man or without it) will help understand the essence of the processes that happen to you.

  • At first will be negation, in which a person categorically refuses to believe in what happened, then – protest. Here and will be attended by the thoughts of revenge, it is at this stage that a man is stronger than all the evil, insult and pain.
  • Then comes Adoption – offended begins to understand that all this is realistic that it happens in fact and it is with him that it is impossible to strike out an event, it happened and has become part of his personal history. It was at the stage of adoption that the decision should be considered, to forgive partners and return to it, forgive it and leave or other options.

Whatever happened, which events do not follow, there are several universal techniques that will help to cope with post-traumatic psychological syndrome. Take advantage of them if you decide to stay along with the offender, live on one family. Be sure to try to practice them if you decide to live separately, with your new life.

Method for establishing control over emotions

During the day, armed with a pencil and sheet of paper, count how much destructive and positive thoughts and emotions. They thought that you were an unfortunate man, and you were not so lucky, I regret myself – a tick in favor of destruction, a beautiful dress was noted on the neighbor, admired her child’s soul – Plusik in favor of the positive.

If half a day, the negative will turn out to be twice as much, start consciously replacing their own emotions to other. I remembered the degree of my husband (wife) – go to the store and buy yourself a pleasant trifle that will give at least a few minutes of good mood.

I wanted to regret – take a ticket to the exhibition of painting or a concert and go to join the beautiful.

Oddly enough, but it is the art that helps in the most difficult times, it changes the thoughts somewhat somewhat, and therefore read, walk on the exhibition, to do their own and watch other photos, draw yourself, go to the movies, theater, to concerts of favorite artists – you can need and necessary.

Effective action method

This method proposed the founder of the school of humanistic psychology to Abraham Masu. It consists in the substitution of negative thinking and destructive actions on positive. The principle is: For each negative thought there should be at least two real constructive actions. Example: it felt sorry for myself, it stood up, in parallel, the vile thought of revenge on the case – we get up and go to the elderly parents, so that before will, without waiting for requests, help them make a general cleaning, and on the way back we help unfamiliar pensioners across the road.

Sgoriezoi spoke about the changed partner ugly – voluntarily sit down to learn lessons with a child, and then we endure the garbage, and not only my own, but also the garbage of the lonely pensioner-neighbor, because it is hard to walk on the stairs up and down when the elevator is not working. Usually after a couple of weeks, the emotional background becomes more positive, a person notices that his mood has improved, the cheerfulness and the feeling of contentment of themselves appeared (I made so much good!), the traumatic situation begins to lose its relevance and sharpness, the feeling of pain, the loss is dulled.

Method of Transfiguration

Remember how you admired the teachless actress in the photo in the magazine or the courage of a friend who recently made a parachute jump. Now is the time to take everything that has been postponed in a long box. It’s time to sign up to the gym and fight a beer pan (in men) or extensive volume on the waist (in women), it’s time to go and make that hairstyle, repaint hair, change the wardrobe, take a parachute jump on the rights to allow control of light-engine aircraft, in general, to do what always wanted.

This will help switch attention to the traumatic situation on new, positive. It will increase self-esteem, because the new hairstyle and new jeans will necessarily be to your face, and visiting the gym will also benefit health and figure.

Verbalization method

This is the method of pronouncing their feelings. You need a person who you will trust. He must be a good listener. TOWhen the most intimate and terrible emotions are voiced, pronounce, they lose their frightening properties somewhat. Well, if such a person is the culprit of the situation, if it is decided to forgive and live on together. If you manage to apply the method, the relationship in such pairs becomes even better than before the adulter, because the spouses are finally starting to understand each other’s feelings, get closer to each other.

If the method with a partner does not work, or you are a very secretive person, try to talk with an unfamiliar – a psychologist, a train wiring, a random fellow traveler. Often, it is precisely such meetings that help us verbalize their alarms and negative thoughts.

How to prevent repetition of the situation?

And here, no one can give any guarantees that the classifier will not go back in search of a sharp feeling “to the side”. It almost does not depend on you, but depends more from what he thinks about his act himself who guessed himself. Sincere repentance and shame increase the likelihood that the situation will not happen again. Attempts to justify and partially shift responsibility for the Adulther on the second partner (“Well, too, you are to blame” or “You yourself were wrong”) mean that a person partially justifies his own actions and, in which case it may well repeat them.

It is clear that after establishing the reasons, the treason will have to correct relationships. And I have to do it again.

  • If the partner decided on the relationship on the side due to dissatisfaction with sexual relations, it is necessary to diversify its intimate life, try to make it rich and regular.
  • If the reason was in a randomly touched by a drunk head – you need to avoid situations where the challenge will visit parties.
  • If the reasons were walking in dissatisfaction with the relationship between her husband and wife, should work in this direction, to find more common interests, more often spend time together.

It is very important that we have not turned into treason to become a dictator that will constantly control the partner, not to give it step to step without permission and the detailed report on where and why he went.

No control system has never previously prevented ADULTER. If the partner decides to start the next intrigue “on the side”, it will not be able to keep it, just he, knowing the suspicion of the spouse (spouse), will be very careful and very secretive.

If you forgive partner with the intention of living with him further, you have to trust. Only trust in charge with forgiveness will help create a normal psychological situation in the family. There will be no confidence – there will be no family. In fact, people, of course, can remain husband and wife, but life in such a family will resemble the thriller, and children (as, however, and adults) in such a family it remains only to sympathize.

Tips for psychologist

No one makes you accept this or that decision. It is only yours and responsibility for it – on you. Even if a person understands the whole need to forgive, loves children very much, I would like to save the family very much, but everything inside the one thought to live on with a traitor, to bed with him in bed, share with him one roof over your head with him, then you don’t need to in the name of high ideals sacrifice your life and your mental health. Such life can lead to tragedy or to a separate ward to a psychiatric hospital. Leave without regardless, without regrets, save yourself and your children, because in the end for all this divorce will be a blessing.

If you decide to forgive, remember that in the day, for no month, no one for the year it will not work. The process can stretch for a long time. It is important to imagine exactly what you go to this difficult path – real love for the partner, the desire to help him and for himself, the desire to raise children together. Naturally, these desires must be mutual.

Whatever the original decision, psychologists recommend adhere to some recommendations.

  • Do not use the fact of treason as a weapon against the offender in the future, do not remember this story. Do not demand something, referring to your generous forgiveness. Do not blame it after I have forgiven.
  • Do not talk about what happened to relatives or friends, because thereby you will form a negative image of your partner.
  • Do not shout, do not insult the sheltered, do not humiliate him, do not force him to humiliate in front of you. In the situation of Adultra, it is very important to maintain human respect for him, to himself, to keep his respect for you.

  • Do not pour the mountain alcohol and do not revenge Identically. It does not help solve the problem, but only makes it even more confusing, nervous and nasty.
  • Do not revenge the offender, do not try to spoil his relationship with common children, do not hang “labels”.
  • Boldly defend your right to happiness – with this man or without it. Do not manipulate.
  • Try to keep the dignity, no matter how difficult it is. Do not go down to fights, mesh expressions, ugly scenes.

Survive treason although it is difficult, but still you can, there would be a desire.

IMPORTANT ABOUT DOES ABOUT THE COMPLEMENT FORMED TO PARTY, ONOUNG CHANGED, DIDN’T THOUGHT THE PERSONNESS WHAT FORMAYS – This is a lifelong indulgence that releases him all his sins a few years ahead. If you start a new life, avoid making old errors in it – do not water the former or former verbal mud before the new lover, do not retell the circumstances of your parting.

It is important to be open to all new, do not close on your misfortune, do not limit the circle of communication, do not fall into chronic distrust to all representatives of the opposite sex. New meeting may not be around the corner. It is possible that it was her who you were waiting for all my life, just until it is not guessing. The basic principle of “all that is done, for the better” actually works fine.

It is necessary to forgive treason or not, look in the video below.

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