Is it worth forgiving to betray his wife and how to do it?

Is it worth forgiving to betray his wife and how to do it?

In society there is an opinion that men are less sensitive that they are less frequently experienced due to love misses and failures. In fact, representatives of strong sex suffer no less women, just better “disguise”. One of the most difficult issues for men is the question of whether the fact of treason is worth forgive. The complexity of the situation is that a man simply has nowhere to go for advice: friends and comrades, and parents are unlikely to understand, and he did not stick to an adult man to complain to mom on the behavior of the spouse. Russian men are not accustomed to visits to a psychologist, so they remain alone with their misfortune. In this article we will try to find a way out and tell me how to get yourself in the hands and take a fateful decision.

Causes of treason

In Russia until 2015, he lived and worked as a wonderful doctor of science, Sociologist Andrei Kirillovich Zaitsev, who dedicated a large section of his scientific work of psychology and social aspects of married change. He argued that mentally to change the spouse is ready to 59% of women. But be ready to mentally and embody thoughts in reality – different things. Statistics Zaitsev research showed that actually his husbands change to 25.4% of women. In other words, every fourth. If this figure perters, then pay attention to the actual number of men’s change – almost 75%. It is clear that these numbers do not soothe the man who changed his beloved, and therefore let’s understand motifs.

A woman, in general, is peculiar to a big attachment to the family, a homely hearth, women are less likely to lie their marriages, less often go from her husband to another man. And yet sometimes they change. Reasons for that. According to the same Andrei Zaitsev, the long-term relationship “On the side” women are rarely – only 20% of the panels have a permanent lover, the rest have a “a history” one-time factor.

Among the reasons that the surveyed anonymously pointed out in the questionnaires during the study, the most frequent is boredom. Woman just became bored and routine. Relationships with her husband have lost their former romance, she is not admired daily and every day, they do not sing serenad and do not commit the rampant deeds for love. It is understandable – in marriage spouses for a long time. If a man underestimates the importance of romantic experiences for his wife, it is possible that one of the four such women will still be decided on an intrigue or novel “on the side”. It is such a reason that 22% of women indicated.

Other reasons are settled in the following order:

  • dissatisfaction with sex (quantity, quality, emotional filling of sexual intercourse) – 13.5%+
  • Treason as revenge for her husband’s treason – 10.5% of fair sex representatives+
  • New “True” love, new feelings – 5% of women+
  • self-affirmation, way to increase self-esteem – 3% of women+
  • Coincidence of circumstances (the state of alcohol intoxication, fleeting bright novel on the corporate party, in the resort) – 1.5% ladies.

Specialists consider to women’s aduilt, which are special prerequisites that, for the most part, not peculiar to representatives of strong sex. Studies have shown that most often a woman changes under the following circumstances:

  • The woman had a rich sex experience before marriage, changed many partners+
  • her level of education is higher than the spouse+
  • The woman is financially independent of her husband, it has a good job and a normal level of income (as an option – feeds the family)+
  • Woman rarely sees her husband, communicates little with him and does not have common interests (hobbies, music, films)+
  • Woman is too young (up to 23 years old) either crossed the 45-year-old frontier.

Be that as it may, sometimes the reason is very hard to determine – it is not obvious or represents a symbiosis of several risk factors at once.

Before deciding whether to forgive or not forgive his wife, who betrayed and changed, should at least try to find out. Well, if the spouse voiced her herself, worse – if she is silent. In this case, you will have to think, and these reflections may not be the most pleasant for pride. If you decompose everything “on the shelves”, then the prerequisites that the man involuntarily created himself was revealed, – he loved little, did not hug and did not kiss, did not share her interests and was not interested in her affairs, did not give the meanings in sex, believing that mechanical process woman for pleasure is quite enough.

Seek the cause is not to disturb the soul and beat yourself the rest of your life. This is important for the mechanism of forgiveness.

Should I forgive?

Sngoring, while indignation and resentment, there should be no decisions. The probability of an erroneous decision, which the man will then regret, too high. Output options are actually two: collecting things and noble to free the living space, going to a new life in search of a new love, either stay in the family and try to forgive the spouse. Time on thought can leave a little – a few days, and maybe a few months, and therefore it is necessary to decide for a start, in which atmosphere will be more comfortable to live.

Everything is individually. Some prefer to stay at home and proudly silent, others go to the cottage, to mom, to a friend on the clamshell, to work with a folded bed. It’s your right. If only no one bothered to think.

Much depends on how the conviction is behaved, – If a woman you love, repents and now regrets what happened, if it is open to dialogue, it will be easier to agree. Usually women after treason really feel strong guilt and shame. There are separate individuals who continue to insist on their rightness, writing off everything that happened, on the circumstances, lover or deceived husband (“Himself to blame”). They tend to avoid communication after the fact of treason has revealed

If the wife is categorically configured to go further in life with another, then there is nothing to think – the divorce to avoid, most likely it will not work.

Do not assume that a man who is ready to forgive betrayal to her beloved and stay with her further, – a slightly accuracy person. Yes, in his surroundings there are many friends who will approve this way (and even in his eyes), but the solution is worthy of respect from which side. Men are hard to change the usual life, especially if the marriage lasts a long time (there are children, general loans and mortgages, common friends). The desire to keep the family can be stronger, and it is good. Looking his wife, he will show nobility and generosity.

The main thing is that then he never returned to this topic, in any scandal did not remember the spouse this fact. There are many examples when a family thanks to such actions man managed to keep, and the relationship in it was established.

The best tactic for a man who will solve forgive will be an effective action method developed by oil. If briefly, then for each negative thought about the act of his wife, about her personality, for every episode of pity for himself should have at least two active actions of the creative sense. Example: I thought once: “Why is she so with me? I am for her and that, and this, and she … “- helped to endure the elderly garbage, voluntarily washed the dishes and helped the child to do lessons. Or so: once reproached his wife in her misconduct – two times went to the mother-in-law and helped at the farm. Acts trouble-free. Positive activity quickly displaces mental suffering.

Forgive or not – solve only a man. Here nobody adviser. Evaluate circumstances, weigh the depth of your feelings, the willingness of the wife for the dialogue can only.

If the husband could not accept the reality, understand the motives, justify the act of a woman for himself, if it is logical to complete the relationship for him, then it is not worth it to put up – life after treason can be a heavy test for both, and everything will be sorry.

How to forgive and live on?

If it is decided to keep the family and forgive the spouse, it is necessary to start with a serious and trusted conversation. You do not need to justify and blame it, you only need to summarize your reflection out loud – “You did this, it has already happened, but I was also not attentive (Plot, caring, faithful and t. D.) “. Do not say “You”, tell more about what you now feel. Call your names with your own names – “It’s a shame”, “difficult”, “scary”, “unpleasant”. But be sure to sum up – you love her, you want it to be near.

It is important to find out in a constructive dialogue, whether the relationship “on the side” was completed, which feels and thinks about this. Silence – not the best option, the abyss between the spouses will grow and put up.

To forgive his wife will help the principle formulated by the famous psychologist of Polina Gaverdovskaya: “No one in the world is obliged to conform to your expectations”. Apply it on yourself and wife. Consider in it a separate personality, and not an application to your beloved. This will help make a decision with respect to the partner.

Try to look at the situation as a foreign viewer. Imagine that watch the film whose characters (both) got into a certain situation. See how “your” character will behave. If he starts screaming and rushing, heaving everything and beat his wife in the face, then you should not start the relationship again. Internal aggression will once come out, because it, as all the secret, is inclined to become clear.

Do not allow ugly scandalous scenes. Do not humiliate and do not humiliate partner. Everything has already happened, insults have nothing to change here, but you can fall even more in my eyes in my eyes, and in your own too.

Agree with my wife about the rules of further life – you do not remember Adumerter (although you really forget, of course, it will not work), it does not repeat such actions. You do not tell anyone about what happened, never reproach her, she never reminds of what happened.

Forgiveness comes not immediately. This is a gradual, slow and laborious process.

How to restore the relationship?

Do not think that after reconciling, my wife will do everything herself, and the relationship will become beautiful again. It will not happen. Work on the restoration of the family you need together, there are no other options. What does this mean? This means that you have to reconsider your daily life. Early come from work, less often drinking beer with friends and give more time to his wife – walk with her to the cinema, to the theater, just walk in the evening before bedtime. Be sure to take on some of the duties for the education of children. It is they who have a magical ability to form the attitude of their mother to a man whom they appreciate and love. If you are not ready for this, you should not try to grasp all the responsibility for the relationship on the head of the defendant wife.

Take the above-described Maslow practitioner, which probably helped you in the first days and weeks after a personal drama for weapons together. Make creative actions together – make repairs in the kitchen together, try to diversify your intimate life.

Exclude from the circle of communication of all the “advisers” – friends and relatives who “in the know” and all the time tormented “Pour salt to wounds”. Your life and family – it is yours, and you should not try on others to your shoulders.

Tips of psychologists

What can be done if the wife has changed, it’s hard to say. The answer depends on how the man is brought up in which family he grew up, what examples in the face of parents saw what books read. But with the list of what it is impossible to do, every man in this situation must be familiar with that not to aggravate the situation.

  • Fall into alcoholic “anesthesia”. Mental pain increases in proportion to the number of alcohol, remember this in the most difficult moments.
  • Devalue all women to become cynical in relation to them. Whether you forgive your wife or not – other women are not to blame. Remember the Wives of the Decembrists, about Juliet, about hundreds of thousands of Soviet women who waited for husbands from the front. Negative mood is drunk.
  • To humiliate. It doesn’t matter whether you leave or stay, just respect her like yourself. Do not humiliate and do not dictate conditions.
  • Dissolve your hands, even if you really want to give a slap in the second half. Neither honor nor male dignity in the universal sense words will not add.
  • Configure against the wife (or ex-wife) children, parents, common friends, form a negative opinion about it. Nobody needs to be aware of the concerns only you two. Let everything remain your secret.
  • Do not lose self-esteem, if you save marriage failed or have nothing to save.

Not always happening – it is bad for you. It is possible that soon you will be waiting for a meeting with another person, with whom you will be happy for the rest of your life.

About to forgive treason or not, look in the following video.

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