Family relationships is a difficult case in which every psychologist will be able to figure out often. Here you need to analyze not only the circumstances that arose at any point of the problems arising between husband and wife, but also the whole history of their relationship. And you need to start, most likely, since the times of mutual love. Roots most often stretch from there. They began to incorrectly create their relationship at the early stage of the family emergence – and now reap the fruits.
What is the relationship in the family?
The basis of any healthy human relations – trust, honesty, mutual respect. Especially bright these qualities or their absence are manifested in the family – without them it will not last for a long time. Of course, young people unites love. If their love is disinterested and unconditional, then she will be the main factor, fastening the family and helping passing through any tests.
Types and their characteristics
The psychology of family relations allocates the following main types of family relations:
- Partnerships – They can still be called cooperation when relations are built on equal. The best and most sustained view of the relationship.
- Competition – A completely healthy way of relationships, when spouses compete in achieving common goals, subject to the preservation of goodwill. In the opposite case can grow into rivalry.
- Competition – manifests itself in the desire of spouses dominate each other. In this form of relations, partners are difficult to come to a common opinion regarding common interests, rather, everyone takes care of their. It strongly undermines family unity.
- Antagonism – acute opposition of partners, developing from competitive relations. Such a family is maintained only by weighty external reasons, its internally nothing unites, the relationship go to the rupture.
In addition to classical types of interpersonal relations, the family also has a relationship based on the game in jealousy, silence, adaptation. Molchanka is when all discontent diligently silence only for the sake of saving relationships. Situations occur when families exist under the contract.
Relationships based on fixtures can be different. One of the spouses can seek protection or play the role of the Savior, Victim or Palace. And also quite often in the relationship of this kind of husband belongs to his wife as a servant or housekeeper.
In relations under the contract reigns, first of all, the calculation of material or moral. These marriages are based on an oral or written contract.
Causes of crises
Family crises most often arise for the following reasons.
- Unnecessary expectations with one or on both sides (more often material plan, sometimes spiritual). In such a family, someone from the spouses one-sided look at the duty to provide a family. He or she imagined that their half will make them financially richer: provide things, housing, the ability to travel and so on.
- Contradiction of the views on household. For example, a man is waiting for, as in his parent family, the wife will serve him in the kitchen, and she, considering him independent, provides him to take care of himself.
- Opposite views on raising children. For example, in the family of the girl, parents are accepted to walk with the child together, and her husband believes that this is care of the mother. This may cause misunderstanding in a marital couple.
- Rutin, lack of family traditions. It happens that in the family of one of the spouses it is customary to celebrate certain holidays, to conduct them in a special way, and for the second half, these traditions may be unacceptable. For example: the spouse is used to celebrating holidays in a restaurant with friends in a noisy company, and the wife loves to celebrate in a quiet family circle. Undoubted factors, as a result of which relations are spoiled, are monotony and household problems.
- The cause of the crisis can be explained by the fact that the feelings of the spouses are cooled. This may well occur when relations are built with support for external factors: beautiful appearance, material security. If in relations initially weak the spiritual support (there is no common interests, hobbies, worldviews), then when the first bright feelings are cooled, emptiness occurs in relations.
- Psychological climate in the family depends on the emotional features of the spouses, their difference in temperament. If one of the spouses is measured and balanced, and the other will react to any trifle, the first can quickly get tired of the emotional differences of the second.
- Sometimes the disorder in the relationship happens after the birth of a child in the family. Cold relationships between spouses arise due to the fact that the young mother is completely devoted to the care of the baby and pays less attention to her husband. Or the husband completely shifts the responsibility for the child to his wife, so she simply does not have time left or her husband.
Diagnosis of crises in family relationships aimed at identifying destructive installations related to the manner of communication in a particular family and concern for each other’s feelings, with ways of conducting farm and education of children, with the image of family leisure, as well as with responsibility for the material support of the family. And one more important moment in family diagnostics – the skill of partners take each other.
How to establish?
Restore the impaired atmosphere between family members will help the following actions.
- First you need to reconsider your attitude towards marriage: if it is a mercantile or your marriage under the contract, then you should not expect from the partner of deep feelings and dedication. Try together with it to adjust your contract for general benefits.
- Correct: on whom of you are the main part of the worries on the housework, who is responsible for material support. To the spouses to better understand each other, it is necessary to distribute the roles, decide who for which sphere of home and social and financial responsibilities is responsible.
- Allow your half to do your favorite thing, hobby. Do not deprive her opportunities sometimes be alone – this is a normal desire. And also let and sometimes retire.
- Speak to listen to the partner, allowing him to tell about something important or expressed. Sincere spiritual communication will help melt the ice misunderstanding between you.
- Sometimes put yourself in place of her husband or wife – it will help you better understand it and take it feelings.
- Remember your needs. Do not suppress your healthy interests in favor of the spouse. Dissatisfaction can lead to depression or irritation.
- Plan a joint holiday, start family traditions. This will help preserve harmonious relationships not only between husband and wife, but also between parents and children.
How should a husband treat his wife?
Husband should always remember that in front of him. And despite the fact that it works along with him or even performs some kind of men’s duties, in the soul it remains fragile and vary, and the male task is this fragility to protect. It may be “very deep” and it can still stop feeling his femininity, but for the sake of family happiness it is worth an effort.
- More often tell her affectionate words, just let them be sincere, real. Just do not hold back your gentle feeling while they are. Do not be afraid to waste yourself. Love has the property of joy – he gave a spark of heat, and in response the flame of love. That is, women very thinly feel the manifestation of real feelings and will always live on them.
- For the same reason that your wife is primarily a woman, offer to take part of her responsibilities for yourself. You can walk with a child while it is managed with household goods, buy products on the way from work, cook breakfast, remove with the table or something else, depending on your family mistake.
- Listen to the mental state of my halves: maybe she wants to be alone or, on the contrary, you are not enough together.
- Just put yourself to the position of the spouse. Looking at the situation from the part, it can be well considered and see what has not seen from his position.
How to change a woman?
In the modern world, it is not uncommon when a woman takes on male roles: manages the organization, manages homemade, leads her husband. Many men try to keep or win their duties and conflicts often arise on this basis.
Therefore, to preserve harmony in family relationships, the first thing is necessary to a woman – change your roles with men’s female.
- Let my husband provide you, and not the opposite.
- Review your attitude towards household – clean and comfort in the house is the prerogative of women, and the repair and permutation requires a male force.
- Take care of yourself, even while on maternity leave. Men inspires beauty.
In general, women should learn more to trust their husband. Let it take part in raising children. Do not doubt it if he is a sensible person – he will handle himself, after all, you entrusted him.
Let him solve family life and leisure issues. Even if it seems to you that he will do everything wrong. After all, a family for a man, as for you, is a place where you want to manifest, create something new, bring something useful.
Learn to understand the mood of your companion and do not let his desire sometimes switch and go fishing. Do not deny yourself in your healthy interests and hobbies.
The family is on the two halves so that every partner felt its fullness and realization in it.
Frequent family mistake – shifting responsibility for a spouse or on circumstances. The partner does not want to recognize his mistake, but, manipulating, emphasizes the mistakes of his companion.
Consider other errors.
- The lack of compliance between spouses. If you insist only on your own – it will not help solve the issue, but will only increase the distance between you.
- Self-sacrifice to the spouse, work, children. When someone sacrifice himself, it brings him temporary satisfaction of the need for recognition. And when recognition passes – dissatisfaction comes.
- Manual only material criteria. This error can manifest itself both in a constant desire to earn more and in constant thoughts of work, which leads to the dullness of the senses and the “mechanical” relation to family members.
- Imposing your will partner. Similar error – Beach of modern relations not only in the family. Such an attitude is an attempt to erase the uniqueness of your partner, to equate it to its standards.
- Error changing roles: Men show passivity, take off responsibility for the material and spiritual components of family life, and women, on the contrary, take these responsibility.
One-sided adoption of important decisions is also an erroneous position of those who consider their opinions the only true and does not take into account the opinion of the partner. It is likely that the position of such a person in the dialogue – stand in the first place (he is smarter than everyone).
Tips for psychologist
Above the tips on how to establish relationships in the family and that a man and a woman should do for this. But on this, the work to strengthen the family does not end healthy relations – the result of the daily labor of each of the family members. For those who are willing to make efforts to preserve family happiness, the characteristic of a good, favorable atmosphere in the house and tips on its preservation.
- Permission to be. This global characteristic concerns the most different aspects of spouse relations. Let your beloved feel and think as he wants let him do the way he can let him do the way he knows. And then in response you will also get permission to be – it will create harmony in your family.
- Cutout. This item is the continuation of the previous one. Respect the thoughts, feelings, actions of a partner – this is what the relationship in the family is holding and one of the conditions of its stability.
- Support each other. A bit of physics: the table with a broken leg becomes unstable and the side fell. Such is the nature of the relationship: in the absence of support for any carrier part – a wife or husband – the design (family) becomes unstable. Supporting your spouse, you contribute to the reliability of your union.
- Sincerity and openness. “My home is my castle”. The meaning of this saying is not only in the protection and support of family members of each other, but also in the ability to be open, true, what you have. Of course, this is not a one-sided need for adoption, but also the ability to accept the sincerity of their partner.
- Mutual desire to develop relations. The development of relationships begins with self-development. So spouses seeking harmony in the family are not waiting for their partner, and begin with themselves. In the future, another half will try to go with him in the foot on the way of forming the best qualities.
On the right relationship between husband and wife, see the following video.